Burbrink: Selling cows is stressful

A farmer friend and I talked for quite a while a few weeks ago. He was feeling down, having made the decision to sell the cows on the farm.

There had been cows on the farm since his great grandfather had milked 10 Jerseys on the place. Subsequent generations had improved the facility, adding freestalls, silos, a parlor and more land.

He was feeling guilty for not being able to carry on what his forbearers had built. I assured him that his forbearers had never faced market forces like the dairy industry has faced in recent years.

Since 2015, per-capita consumption of beverage milk declined by 25% to approximately 18 gallons per person. Milk price volatility, the proliferation of imitation “milk” and bottled water products, reduced consumption of ready-to-eat cereals and legislation limiting school milk options all contributed to the decline in milk sales.

At the same time, many dairies added cows in an effort to increase income. The result has been low prices that have devastated the dairy industry, especially the smaller traditional dairy farm.

That feeling of guilt is a hard one to get around because people in agriculture take a lot of pride in their work and the longevity of the family business.

Think about it: We give awards for centennial farms and proudly display the signs on the front lawn. It is one of the best things about agricultural businesses; they tend to stay with a family for generations. It can also lead people to feel guilty when things do not go as they hoped.

What this person is experiencing is grief. It is not much different from when someone you love passes away.

When you lose someone close to you, you feel things that may catch you by surprise. The sale of a farm or the sale of the cows can lead to a sense of loss that is real and understandable.

Grief is a very personal process we all go through when there is a loss. It is something we all need to work through at our own pace.

The feelings can range from fear, shock, anger, guilt, depression, or a loss of purpose. The feelings can change from minute to minute and as time passes.

As you begin to accept the loss, the feeling often turn to reflectiveness and understanding.

For those feeling the grief, it helps to find someone to lend support. It might be family, friends, clergy or even mental health advisers.

It’s the kind ear and outside perspective that can help to bring the loss into perspective. Often, those in a deep state of grief will isolate themselves.

It is important that friends and family of the person intervene in these circumstances, to prevent the person from harming himself or herself.

When you are in such an emotional state, it is common to not take good care of yourself physically. Eating well, getting some exercise and just talking to others is a positive step in the grieving process. Even new hobbies or returning to an old hobby can provide a break from the stress.

You might not even realize you are grieving. If someone starts this conversation with you, take it seriously.

Do not forget, a loss of something as ingrained as a farm or the cows can affect the whole family in many different ways, even the children. Communications and getting a different perspective are important.

If you someone in crisis, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or text the Crisis Text Line — text HELLO to 741741. Both services are free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Jeff Burbrink is the Purdue Extension agriculture and natural resources educator in Elkhart County.